Monique

My first pregnancy, we'd waited so long and it had finally happened. The pregnancy was difficult, but I knew no difference. My husband comes from such a large family with a never ending stream of pregnant sisters and sisters-in-law and finally it was our turn. Until the morning of October 11th, 1994. I'd been getting funny twinges all night but being 23 weeks pregnant I thought nothing of it. Maybe it was just the baby laying funny.

My husband, Bill, was so concerned with the way I looked he decided to hang back for half an hour before going to work, just to see how I was going to be. I remember going to the toilet and looking down in total confusion as I saw blood. Shocked and scared, I walked into the lounge and said "Bill, I'm bleeding, ring the hospital." We got to the hospital just after 7am where I was taken to an empty room while they tried to contact my doctor. By 7.30am my contractions had started and the reality of the situation began to dawn on me. My doctor arrived and authorised medication to try and stop the labour, but it just didn't work.

At 8am my whole world turned upside down when our doctor calmly told me it was no use, the baby was there and they couldn't save it. My best friend Cathy arrived. She sat on one side of me and my beloved husband on the other giving me comfort and support. From then on it's a blur. Time stood still and everything stopped. By 11.30am they put me on a drip to speed up the labour. Bill had insisted that the doctor ring KEMH's Flying Squad to come and try to save our baby. As they arrived and worked around me, I started to push our baby girl out into the world.

At 1.31pm she arrived. She was small but so perfect, weighing only 505 grams and 30cm long. We only saw her for a few moments and then she was whisked away by ambulance. We were to follow. At 5pm we arrived at the hospital anxious but naively full of hope. By 6pm things weren't looking good and at 6.30 she took her last breath and died. In one day I'd been pregnant, given birth and was now a grieving mother. This was truly the worst day of my life.

Everything seems hazy as I now recall, but Christmas of 1994 came and went without us even realising. Before I knew it 1995 was here and in the month of February I conceived our second child. We were happy but terrified something might go wrong. And it did. It seemed this pregnancy was threatening to miscarry. I had a scan done at 8 1/2 weeks to find the pregnancy was ectopic. On Tuesday 28th March I underwent surgery and the pregnancy was removed. Here I was grieving so badly for our baby Monique and trying to cope with the loss all over again with the termination of our second child.

Since then months have slipped by and some friendships as well. It's so difficult with both our families, especially my in-laws. Life can be so painful and confronting. The never ending supply of nieces and nephews I have continues to grow and it is as if nobody remembers my baby girl and the second child I lost.

Ten months have gone by since my last pregnancy. Christmas is here again. 1994 wasn't my year. Neither was 1995. We're both carrying our hearts in our hands that 1996 comes up smelling of roses.

For now we live in hope and faith.

Lisa Plug

15/12/95