Alyssa's Story

My name is Kris. My angel Alyssa was born still on 26th January 1998 at 37 weeks. She was perfect in every way and no explanation was found for her death. Although she didn't make it, Alyssa has changed our lives and left her footprints on our hearts forever.

This is Alyssa's story.

Friday, 23rd January 1998

I was nearly 37 weeks pregnant, and getting excited about the arrival of our second child. Our due date was 16th February - only 24 days to go! I was seeing the same specialist that I had seen during my first pregnancy and who delivered my daughter Caitlyn 22 months earlier. I went to my regular appointment at 8.30 on the Friday morning. Everything was fine - I had been feeling lots of movement and there was nothing to worry about - I felt great! Caitlyn and I went to finish buying her furniture as we were going to move her into her new bedroom the next day, so I would finally be able to get the nursery organised.

Saturday, 24th January 1998

My husband (Nick) picked up Caitlyn's new furniture and we spent most of the day arranging her bedroom. That night after Caitlyn had gone to bed in her new room, I was feeling really motivated so I spent a little while organising the nursery. I sorted through all the old baby clothes and got a pile of clothes and blankets ready to wash for the new baby. By the time I went to bed, I was feeling very tired and was looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday morning.

Sunday, 25th January 1998

Nick got up with Caitlyn, and I slept in for a little while. As I was laying in bed, I realised I hadn't felt the baby move yet that morning. I thought the baby was probably asleep, so I got up and had a cup of coffee, thinking it would make the baby move. I was a bit concerned when I realised I still hadn't felt anything a while later. I pushed and prodded, but still nothing. I found some cooking chocolate in the cupboard and ate some, but after a while there was still no movement. I knew I should ring my doctor, but I wasn't keen to disturb him on a Sunday and I was sure that nothing could possibly be wrong. Eventually I did ring him, and he told me that I should go to the hospital to have the baby's heartbeat checked. My husband asked me if I wanted him to come too, but I told him to stay home with Caitlyn - everything would be OK, and I didn't think I'd be gone long. How wrong I was ...

The midwife, Janet, couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. She eventually found a heartbeat but then realised it was mine. She told me she would have to call my doctor but not to worry because sometimes the baby is facing the wrong way and it is difficult to pick up the heartbeat. But by then I knew that something was wrong - I knew that my baby had died. When my doctor arrived, he tried for what seemed like ages but he eventually bowed his head and told me quietly that it didn't look good. I was crying by now, and asked if someone could ring my husband. I then had an ultrasound - which confirmed that my baby had died. My doctor remarked that everything else looked perfectly normal. I couldn't even look at the screen. They took me back to the delivery room and we just sat there in silence - I was crying, Janet had her arms around me, and my doctor just looking down at the floor. I remember I felt like screaming at him. When Nick arrived, we were left to ourselves for a while and we cried and cried. It all felt so unreal, like a dream. It felt like all our dreams had come crashing down around us. When Janet and my doctor came back, we decided that I would come in the next morning to be induced. I wanted to go home and have some time to think - to give it all a chance to sink in. So we went home and had to tell Caitlyn and my mother (who was looking after Caitlyn) that we had lost the baby. Nick rang his mother in Tasmania to tell her. It was the worst day of my life.

Monday, 26th January 1998 (Australia Day)

Nick and I got to the hospital just after 9 o'clock. I was so scared. At around 10.30 my doctor put the gel on my cervix and labour progressed well. Janet looked after us all day, and my doctor came in regularly to check up on me. It was such a sad time - we all cried a lot. Janet stayed with us until well after her shift had finished, but at 5.30 I told her to go and have a break. Another midwife, Jill, stayed with us, and our little daughter was born at 6.03pm. She was so lovely and perfect - it was just devastating. She looked just like Caitlyn. We were left alone with her and cried so much I thought my heart would break. I willed her to breathe, I couldn't believe she would never open her eyes and look at me. When Jill came back she took some photos and told us that Caitlyn, my mum and my mother-in-law (who had just flown in from Hobart) were waiting for us. Nick went to see them while I had a shower. Janet came back and helped me bath and dress Alyssa - she looked so fragile and I was so scared I would hurt her. Then I carried her to our room. While we held Alyssa in our arms, we could hear the Australia Day fireworks in the city - it seemed that they were especially for Alyssa. The chapel sister visited and we asked for Alyssa to be baptised that night. She was baptised at about 9 o'clock.

Nick and I stayed at the hospital with Alyssa until about midday on the Wednesday. She stayed in our room with us and we had lots of cuddles and talked to her a lot. When Caitlyn came to visit, she would pick frangipani flowers from the hospital garden and place them in Alyssa's crib. We took Alyssa for a walk outside on the Tuesday night and sat on a bench, looking out at the river and the stars in the sky - we saw a shooting star and picked out Alyssa's star. Leaving the hospital on the Wednesday was really hard - we would never be able to hold our baby again. I made Jill promise to look after her, and I cried all the way home.

Alyssa's funeral was on the Friday. We had a very small service at the church where Nick and I had been married and where Caitlyn had been christened. We put some little sentimental gifts in the casket, and I put a gold chain and tiny crucifix around Alyssa's neck. Caitlyn gave her a picture that she had drawn. We all placed little roses from Mum's garden in the casket and gave Alyssa one last kiss. We had a beautiful arrangement of frangipani flowers to put on top of the casket. Nick and I held the casket in the funeral car on the way to the memorial park, and Nick carried it from the car. After the casket was lowered, we all scattered rose petals over it. Caitlyn let a pink balloon go and it flew away over the trees to the song "Fly" by Celine Dion. It was very moving, and I was glad that we had given Alyssa such a beautiful farewell.

A year later ...

Yesterday was Alyssa's first birthday. I baked a birthday cake, and Caitlyn helped decorate it - and we all went to the memorial park and had a picnic! We placed a posy of pink and white flowers on her grave, and a little heart-shaped balloon with a teddy bear on it and the words "Happy Birthday". We also placed some frangipani flowers from our tree. We lit the candle on the cake and sang happy birthday - and just as Caitlyn was about to blow out the candle, a little breeze came up and snuffed it out - as if Alyssa had blown out her own birthday candle! We had a lovely balloon with a picture of an angel on it, and the words "Happy Birthday to Someone Special", for Caitlyn to let go. It flew up over the trees, and Caitlyn said that it was "going to visit my sister in the sky". Last night we watched the Australia Day fireworks in the city and remembered how we had held Alyssa in our arms a year ago.

ALYSSA SKYE LATHAM
26th January 1998

Our precious little Alyssa ~
You were with us for such a short time, but the love in our hearts will last forever.
Until we meet again, Sweetheart ~ you will always be our special little angel.

~ Mummy, Daddy and big sister Caitlyn

"OUR JOYS WILL BE GREATER,
OUR LOVE WILL BE DEEPER,
OUR LIFE WILL BE FULLER,
BECAUSE WE SHARED YOUR MOMENT."

You can visit Alyssa's website at http://www.ozemail.com.au/~thelathams